We see you
Why author and activist Sylvia Yu Friedman thinks every day must be "Women's Day" – and why we should too
International Women’s Day is coming up. (It’s on March 8, in case you’re wondering.)
This event means a lot of things to different people. But I thought it would be good to ask Sylvia Yu Friedman about it first, as she’s an author and activist who’s dedicated her life to women’s issues.
“It’s wonderful to have a global day celebrating women, and I wholeheartedly support having a day like this to promote more gender equality; break through glass ceilings in the corporate world; improve the protection of women’s rights; and support girls and women to achieve excellence in fields traditionally dominated by men,” she says.
“However, after meeting and interviewing many elderly survivors of Japanese wartime military sex slavery and modern-day sex trafficking survivors, I would love to see a day established for these girl and women survivors to honour them and help raise more awareness.
“As Winston Churchill said, ‘Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.’ It’s vital to educate the next generation. We need a Women’s Day every day.”
Here’s why
Sylvia wrote the books A Long Road to Justice: Stories From the Frontlines in Asia (which focuses on her personal experiences and first-hand accounts of human trafficking and modern slavery across the region) and Silenced No More: Voices of Comfort Women (which focuses on Japanese military sex slavery during WWII).
She’s also a broadcaster and an award-winning filmmaker – she won an International Human Rights Press Award in 2013 for her documentary series on human trafficking in China, Hong Kong and Thailand. (She’s currently working on a film based on A Long Road to Justice with a Korean entertainment company.)
Sylvia is an international speaker too, and has been the go-to resource person for these issues by the media and non-profit organisations such as the US-based Women’s Media Center. She also works for philanthropists in Asia and the US.
So we get where she’s coming from.
(By the way, does Sylvia’s last name sound familiar? That’s because I recently wrote about her husband, Matt Friedman, and his own work on human trafficking and modern slavery. Check it out here.)
Sylvia’s had a crazy variety of experiences – from illuminating to harrowing – which you’ll find in her books. Still, she uses the words “compassion”, “healing” and “advocating” to encapsulate and describe them.
“I often say I’m a sum of all the good, bad and ugly moments, and I’m grateful for every negative experience I’ve had,” she says.
“I’d say my work has been compelled by love and compassion for those suffering in slavery, and I hope it leads to the survivors receiving the healing and justice they deserve.”
Come to think of it, maybe it’s apt that she’s added the words “surprised” and “extremely thankful” too.
“Several of the crazy adventures I’ve been on – there are too many to count – in China and across Asia were quite perilous, more than I realised at the time,” she admits.
“I’ve been confronted by huge thugs in brothels while interviewing sex trafficking victims. I’ve had to walk by armed soldiers at a border area. I’ve driven in remote areas by the Myanmar border where the roads are dangerously thin. I’ve taken photos in one of Myanmar’s red-light districts by the China border, where there are gangsters watching, and lived to talk about it.”
That’s pretty spunky for someone who used to be “a gangly kid with buck teeth”. (“I had metal braces later,” she tells us.)
“I had so many insecurities due to experiencing racism in an all-Caucasian elementary school,” Sylvia recalls.
“So I’m still surprised by how my life has turned out, and the adventures I’ve been able to go on across Asia through my work in philanthropy, journalism and filmmaking.”
How things have changed
You probably won’t see her jumping into those situations again any time soon. “As I get older, the self-preservation gene kicks in more and more, and I have little desire to put myself in any kind of danger,” she says with a smile.
“That’s why I urge young people to pursue their dreams while they’re young and not yet weighed down by a mortgage and parenting.”
Now that she’s mentioned it, it’s been over 20 years since Sylvia started campaigning and writing about women’s issues – and yet she’s still as passionate as ever about championing women’s rights and fighting against human trafficking and slavery.
It makes me wonder how her experiences have influenced her outlook and views on women, human nature… even life in general. I bet she’s arrived at a couple of truths and non-negotiables.
Well, I asked for a few of them – and I think they drive home the message and importance of a “Women’s Day every day” even further. Why? Because what Sylvia’s about to say centres on us taking the time to understand, support and learn from one another. Fight for each other. Watch out for one another. Solve problems together. Lift each other up. It all sounds simple (too simple, even), but it’s a start.
• As a woman herself
“One perspective that I’ve come to embrace is deeply appreciating the rock bottom and setbacks in my life,” she says.
“These experiences are more valuable than all the gold in the world; they are the best MBAs. They lead to wisdom, discernment and insight, and money can’t buy that. No one can teach these things – they come by lived experience and overcoming heartbreak, difficulties, trials and immense personal challenges.
“For so long, I was searching for myself, for identity, purpose and meaning. I found it when I gave my life away; that is, when I began to live to help others who were suffering instead of living a self-absorbed life. I’ve found true happiness and joy in giving my time, my talents and resources to serve and support those in need.
“Over the years, I’ve come to conclude that knowing yourself is so vital – and that’s the first piece of advice I would give to any young person. Know your identity. If you don’t know your identity, then you cannot know your destiny and purpose in life fully.
“Knowing and accepting yourself enables you to love and embrace yourself. Then you can ‘do you’ and not care about what anyone else thinks, which can leave you under the mercy and control of others’ opinions.”
• As a wife
“Investing in your marriage and family is a solid investment into your own success and overall happiness. Take the time to water this plant and sow into it. You won’t regret it.
“Having a strong foundation with your husband or partner can literally make or break your career. A classic book, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, talks about how a bad marriage can derail your hopes and dreams and hinder your career. I have to fully agree. I’ve experienced that in my previous marriage and I can’t even begin to describe the depth and breadth of unhappiness with a spouse, because it’s with the person you’re supposed to be the closest with. Divorce is a terrible thing that no one should have to experience.
“Finding the right man and partner in life is so critical. I really appreciate that my husband Matt and I have a common goal to help people and help change our world. We support each other wholeheartedly in our respective film and book projects, and his work of guiding corporations and banks to eliminate modern slavery at the Mekong Club.”
• As a mentor
“Finding mentors at different seasons of life is vital. I’ve had the honour of being mentored by more than a dozen exceptional people, and as a result, I feel compelled to give back.
“I began mentoring and taking care of young people in my early 20s, and I didn’t always realise the impact I’ve made until years later. For instance, I was caring for a brother and sister, both in their teens, in Vancouver whose parents were missionaries in northeast China. At one point they lived alone because they decided not to live with their guardians. I visited them and reached out to them. Years later they expressed how deeply moved they were by my actions. I literally had no idea at the time and just treated them like my own siblings.
“We each have the power to influence and impact one life at a time. I hope more will do so.”
• About women
“I foresee a major women’s movement rising in Asia. It feels like the time is coming – we have more women of influence in our present generation, more than any other time. More than 100 years ago, women like me would have had bound feet, would have been considered property and not given a name until I was married. I would not have been given the right to go to school and more.
“The viral news of the trafficked woman and mother of eight children chained up in Suzhou, China has sparked a nationwide discussion in that nation. Perhaps it is the fullness of time for this women’s rights issue.
“I wrote of a similar bride trafficking survivor I met several years ago in my book, A Long Road to Justice, and the chaining of women like in medieval times. Even giving North Korean trafficked brides slippers to wear while working in the fields to prevent them from running away is tragically common.
“Amazingly, from what I hear from mainland Chinese professionals, there is a growing anti-trafficking movement afoot there, and I believe it’s due to the increasing influence of professional women who are outraged by the horrific exploitation of women.”
• About men
“I feel like a broken record when I say that we need more men to support women in every arena: to advocate for those exploited in the corporate world, and in areas such as the scientific world, which is traditionally dominated by men. Good men can be our strategic allies. I hope to see a movement of men galvanised to help the marginalised in society.”
• About trust, hope and compassion (and the lack of it)
“It was important to me to share a message of hope and joy and of passionate compassion – that in the darkest places, some courageous frontline workers are rescuing girls and women out of slavery. These frontline folks are ordinary people like you and me. But due to their exposure to people who were exploited, they decided to do something to help. I hope they’ll inspire more people to live sacrificial lives to make an impact for good. I truly think that if more people were aware of the suffering of enslaved girls and women, they would do something to help.
“I’ll share one of my favourite quotes of all time by (British politician, philanthropist and abolitionist) William Wilberforce: ‘If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics ever permitted to be at large.’
“One has to nurture, through self-care, the flame of compassion and ensure it doesn’t dim due to fatigue.”
• About institutions
“Families have more impact than institutions ever could.
“I’m an avid supporter of foster families taking in orphans instead of raising them in orphanages, and finding forever homes for them. Of all the slavery survivors, compensated dating survivors and traffickers I’ve met and interviewed, almost all of them were from fatherless homes or virtually orphaned.
“It’s the same in prisons – most inmates are from broken homes. It’s vital that we build up and support families as the foundation of our societies.”
• About education
“I would advise young people to get as much education and certificates as possible in your field of choice. Shoot for the stars and study with excellence. But I also want to encourage people of all ages to not forget or suppress the desires and dreams in your heart. Dream bigger and lock your goals in, and pursue them with all your might. Determination and grit, and paying attention to the dreams in your heart, are traits that need to be nurtured – and these aren’t taught in school.
“When I was younger, even before I became an author and filmmaker, I remember feeling a huge desire to get on airplanes and travel to as many countries as I could, and to tell untold stories in print and film. That must have been an early indication of the life I would lead as a Canadian expat in Asia.”
For the love of
Whew. Is there anything else Sylvia loves and has learnt about her work?
“I love meeting new people and deeply connecting with them,” she answers. “Superficial conversations utterly bore me.”
She wouldn’t have to worry about that. At least not too much – because I think she’ll always come across many interesting personalities.
Any “Women’s Day” brings to mind such incredible people, and how they motivate us to do better for ourselves and for others. Sylvia looks at it in the same way. So in the spirit of International Women’s Day (and other “women’s days” or causes), I got her to share the three women who’ve inspired her, and who’ve made an impact and a difference in her life and work.
It’s an invitation for us to think about the people in our lives too.
#1 Her mother
“She’s my first hero and role model,” Sylvia says.
“She’s diplomatic, very feminine yet strong, and extremely funny and caring. She was a mum to so many young people. She encouraged me to dream big, and she did all that was in her power to support me in achieving my dreams. This is not common among Korean and Asian mothers, who tend to be more practical and encourage their kids to play it safe and colour within the lines.
“My mother had a ministry of helping low-income families at her church for over 35 years, and she had many leadership roles within the church community. She modelled for me that women as leaders can make a difference, and that there were no limits to what we could do. This gave me the inner drive to pioneer philanthropic initiatives in China, to launch the anti-trafficking campaign in Hong Kong, and other projects I’ve done in Canada and along the way.
“Her deep Christian faith inspires me too, and my faith in God has been my anchor and gives me peace and perspective in life. She’s so active and organises events for her friends, and calls on elderly people who live at home. I hope I become like her more and more in the years to come.”
#2 Lee Yong-soo, the late Kim Soon-duk, and all the wartime military sex slavery survivors she’s met over the years
“I met Kim Soon-duk in 2001, and this meeting launched my writing my previous book, Silenced No More, which changed the trajectory of my life and career to more human rights and campaign work.
“I later met and interviewed Lee Yong-soo (we met again a few times later too) and others. It felt sacred to meet these elderly survivors who went against the grain of their conservative Korean culture to speak out against sexual enslavement. They have made history and were the first ‘me too’ activists. They’ve been at the forefront of one of the longest-running activist campaigns against sex trafficking and war crimes of sexual violence in armed conflict. They deserve to receive the closure and dignity they are crying out for in the form of a more sincere and healing apology from the Japanese government.
“Lee Yong-soo is leading an inspiring campaign now. They deserve our heartfelt support as they are ageing and time is running out. There are several non-profits that are working on this issue that I recommend: @comfortwomenaction and @projectsonyeo.”
#3 All of the survivors of modern slavery and frontline workers she’s also met over the years
“I can’t pinpoint one at this moment, because each was so exceptional in their own way. (Ask me again in a few weeks after I think about it some more!) But I would say they have deeply shaped my perspectives on humanitarian work and anti-trafficking through their suffering, their strengths, their foibles and weaknesses, and their courage. Through their eyes, I have seen the best and the worst of humanity.
“It gives me deep encouragement to know that there are unsung heroes out there in the darkest places, some of them risking their own lives to rescue and heal those suffering in slavery. It made me think of what’s worth doing that’s worth dying for? That question will help you discern your values and priorities, and even your faith or lack thereof like nothing else.”
That’s certainly food for thought.
Here’s another: Now that I’m done asking Sylvia about her thoughts on International Women’s Day, we can’t wait to discover yours – and how you’ll celebrate March 8, and every day, as well. In what ways can we help? Because the fight and our celebration of women doesn’t – and shouldn’t – end there.