A haven and a new lease on life
If Simone Patterson of The Sanctuary in Australia had her way, she’d want these three things for victims of domestic violence
Note: When I read about Simone Patterson and The Sanctuary, I thought it was inspiring for Simone to set up a refuge to help victims of domestic violence. I can only imagine how constantly challenging and heartbreaking it must be. I wanted to write even just a slice of her perspective and personal experiences, so here it is.
The one thing I immediately picked up from Simone Patterson’s story is the word “resilient”. She mentions it as the best thing she’s learnt about herself, and what she’s capable of, through The Sanctuary.
It fits. Simone is a social worker, and The Sanctuary is a privately funded, non-profit refuge in the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia for women, children, and even pets who are victims of domestic violence. She also happens to be its founder and CEO.
Established in 2016, The Sanctuary provides support and different forms of assistance to these victims, such as shelter, counselling, individual and group activities, and other services to help them get back on their feet – for example, medical or legal advice, programmes for them to pursue their studies or employment once again, and more.
“(I learnt) that I’m resilient beyond belief, and my compassion for women, their children, and their pets has no end,” Simone echoes.
“After I saved the first woman, it was like an adrenalin hit from sport. It made me think that The Sanctuary was like my Kryptonite. The power of not giving in to bullies who tried to close me down and beat me down – each time they were mean or cruel and bagged me publicly – it only spurred me on even more when I’d find out.
“I’m used to seeing the saddest and most broken women get their wings back and learn to fly again,” she continues. “It’s what keeps me going. The strong ones inspire others to be like them.”
It’s a revelation that has remained true for Simone from the very beginning of her journey to this day (and she suspects for the future too).
“All of us are more resilient than we could ever imagine,” she says.
“The horror, the trauma, the violence… you can come back better and stronger. You can rebuild.
“Oh, I would have to say that people will lie to get safety; I would too, for my children and pets,” she adds. “They will tell me anything to get in the door. Once I hear the horrors, I have to do certain things to keep them safe.”
It’s worth it
What does it take to run a refuge like The Sanctuary?
“After working in some of the toughest gaols in Australia with some of the biggest criminals, by far the refuge is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Simone admits.
“It’s also the most satisfying and rewarding. I truly didn’t get the saying, ‘The more you give, the more you get’.” That is, until The Sanctuary.
“I love what I do, but I truly never get a break. I never really get a holiday; I can’t hand over my phone because we don’t get paid staff who work nights and weekends. I answer that phone 365 days a year. Sometimes I want to turn it off and cry, but I can’t because it could be that one person’s life I save.”
And Simone is very aware of this. “Domestic violence has always been around women being harmed or killed by partners,” she says. This became even more of a possibility during the pandemic.
“COVID definitely was a horrible point for me, because women were in isolation with their violent partners and their children with no chance of escape,” she relates.
“The phone calls were so much more desperate during COVID. Sometimes they would hang up mid-sentence because they could hear him coming down the hall or coming back in from putting the bin out.
“Those other phone calls that rocked me to my core were the ones where I couldn’t even finish the call with them to give them the support and answers they needed. If you never rang back and they’re those phone calls, I wonder, will he kill her?”
It’s a feeling Simone knows all too well. “I grew up in a violent home; I was then married to a very violent police officer,” she reflects. “I worked with only violent offenders – some had killed their partners – so I always knew what domestic violence was about and how bad it could be. I’ve seen the devastation.
“There are no winners with domestic violence.”
Because it also involves other issues
And some of them don’t get as much attention – like the children.
“No one thinks about the children. With domestic violence, no one pays attention to how much of an impact a child receives from it,” Simone observes. She gives us an example.
“We have children in at the moment. His mum was hit in the head with a hammer. Dad thought he had killed her, and was driving around with the children in the car, looking for somewhere to bury her.
“When they opened the boot to get her out to bury her, she had come to and was alive. She lived; she had a fractured skull and serious eye socket injuries.
“Most adults find this story hard to deal with,” she notes. “But the children kept going to school and preschool, talking about how when in Daddy’s car they shake, and what it was like when Mummy got out of the boot.
“How does a child process this when most adults want to vomit upon hearing this story?” she wonders.
“The children need therapy and we don’t have the funds to cover all of it. We have a psychologist and a doctor, but we need so much more. We still aren’t meeting their needs because we don’t have the money.”
On top of that
People can help by donating, sponsoring and volunteering to The Sanctuary. But some things still have to change.
If there were no barriers and hurdles, and if Simone could move forward with anything regarding domestic violence and The Sanctuary without any impediment from forces outside of her control, what would she like to see happen?
Which possible solutions does she deeply want to come true?
#1 For the laws to change
“I want laws changed, and I’m about to apply to go on a domestic violence task force,” she tells us.
“The Queensland Law Reform Commission and Queensland Sentencing Advisory Council, these guys are about mandatory sentencing. I’m sick of people on parole getting out and going and killing women. We need tougher domestic violence sentencing laws and mandatory sentencing laws around domestic violence to save lives.
“I may not be able to change laws in my lifetime, but if I do not go on these councils in commissions, I can’t be part of the process to change laws. Sitting whingeing about it and putting posts on Facebook do nothing – I’ve done it all.”
#2 For access to better education
“I need to be able to set up men’s anger management programmes that actually work to assist men in the community who are dealing with domestic violence issues,” she says.
“We need the implementation of domestic violence education in every school. It needs to be part of the curriculum so that children can say to their parents when they’re fighting that this is a form of domestic violence – that what you’re doing is domestic violence.
“I would implement a policy that every woman and child must be in full-time education,” she goes on. “I believe education is the way out of poverty. If every other mother who ever came to the refuge was given a chance at education and laptops or computers to assist them to go back to uni or get into a TAFE course, then this is what would change the trajectory in their lives.” (TAFE stands for Technical and Further Education. Here’s an example.)
#3 For exit houses
“The second policy I’d introduce would be every family or woman goes to an exit house – because three months is simply not long enough. They need up to a year’s support to truly get through the trauma they have gone through.
“In Australia, we do not fully support domestic violence; we merely place a Band-Aid on it. Even my refuge does not fully cater to the ongoing support these families need.
“I can only allow people to stay up to three months, because after three months they become a tenant and it goes into tenancy law; but up to three months is crisis accommodation.”
But the reality is…
How can we expect all that to happen when people are hesitant to even bring up the issue of domestic violence?
“People want to talk about fancy fundraisers and not about real-life issues, what goes on in society, and how women, children and pets are being killed daily in the hands of men who are supposed to love them,” Simone says.
“Some people won’t even discuss domestic violence because they think it’s something only the poor go through. Domestic violence is in every postcode; it does not discriminate. I turn away 15 to 20 women a day, and the stats got worse because of COVID. Right now, I’d say domestic violence is at its absolute peak.
“If people do nothing when they hear their neighbours fighting, they are the ones who will have to watch the coroner’s van possibly take the woman or children away.”
What’s more, the voices of those in power are noticeably absent too. “Nothing makes me sicker than a politician telling me they love what I do at the refuge,” Simone answers.
“They are all in a position to do something about domestic violence, but they choose to do nothing with their power. Domestic violence doesn’t even have a place in Parliament – it is glossed over and spoken about for a minute or two, and then they move on. No one wants to talk about domestic violence, and that’s why there’s so much of it.”
What keeps Simone going is the hope that “the politicians will finally implement laws”, that “there will be a shift, and some serious changes can be made”, and that people will create or grab every opportunity to speak about domestic violence.
“Domestic violence needs to be spoken about more freely and stop being the elephant in the room,” she says.
“I can stop any dinner by just saying my name and what I do for work. If the media and politicians would get real and make it front-page news, get me speaking about educating children and not just listen to me, and put domestic violence into every child’s curriculum right through school in every level…
“Children are the key,” Simone points out. “If we have not trained children by the age of seven that boys should not hit girls and girls should not accept being hit by a boy, then it is too late.”
I’d like to see that
Simone hushing a dinner crowd with her words, that is. She must have come across a lot of people – people from all walks of life – through her work. And they’re not all bad.
“I’ve met some really beautiful people,” she says.
“I only keep good people in my bubble, and I only surround myself with positive people who want the best for others – people who are kind – and with like-minded individuals who want to make a difference in the world.
“One of the best things I’ve learnt about people is that there are plenty of them who want to contribute to a better world.”
Simone is inviting you to take part. “If people have skills they can implement and share with the women at the refuge, that is something we would always need. Or if they can send their husbands out to help maintain the property, or if they can come out and help their husbands”, that’d be great as well.
You’ll love seeing some of the results with Simone and her team. “We’ve had women who’ve done our programme leave and start businesses, and gain so much strength,” she recounts. “Some stay in touch and still come back for Christmas each year.” That’s resilience still in action right there.
Find Simone and The Sanctuary here. They’re also on Facebook and Instagram.